Ahh, Disibility

        Ahh

Like the growing surge 

the slow tightening 

of a cramping muscle, 

the calamity of family betrayal

grips me with overwhelming pain.

Immediately,

options run the corridors   

of my mind 

and my twisted leaping heart

for a resolution. 

Sweeping over me like an icy wind, 

came the recognition that somehow 

I am responsible.

I am, for my frustration and fear,

but only wanting support 

and an iota of commiseration.

I am confused by their ferocity

their righteous vehemence 

that I've done wrong.

   

They name my toxic lingering anger 

that overwhelms them 

and me of along with it

and influences my behavior.

They, my children, informed me,

and such a declaration 

ricocheted Into my bones.

Courage is required upon waking

mortified by a body that can't walk or talk,

to bear the burden of my inching decline,

anger is also known as fear

of the unknown 

like shadows hide roving sharks 🦈 

to eat me.

I may not see old age, 

and will lose surly as 

the sun ☀️ will rise tomorrow 

ever more abilities

to this dreadful condition,

that thrusts me into the role 

of freak and slob that I abhor.

Love and tolerance may not win

In this intimate family betrayal,

and like songbirds,

spinning haunting notes 

through the night,

you will look and long for them 

when the birds 🐦 

do not show again in the fall.